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Monday, March 29, 2010

March 29th 2010

If you know me on Facebook, you know I recently started posting about missing Hope. People have asked who Hope is. Now this on the surface has nothing to do with training, but in a sense it does because someone has taught me recently how big a role outside things can play in training. I often come across as a very open person, but when it comes to personal matters I am actually very much to myself. But people ask, and maybe telling will help me. So who is Hope, and how do I know her? I will tell you but please understand why I must keep some parts out of the story. Some parts just don't need to be talked about.
I enjoy reading true crime books. I probably know more about Ted Bundy and The Zodiac than anyone. One day I was on Amazon looking for some books. Came across a book about 4 teen girls who about 15 or so years ago committed a..... well.... a brutal crime. It was only 1 penny, so I bought it. It arrived and went to the bottom of my stack of unread books. When time came to start a new book for some reason I went to that one ahead of books I had longer. I read it, and felt two of the girls were more guilty than the two others. I found there was a second book written and ordered and read that one. For reasons I can not get into, I came into contact with one oh the girls. Her name is Hope ( I will leave her last name out). She lives in Indiana. She did plead guilty and was since that time released for good behavior. What I found was a woman who was different than the 16 year old girl who was part of that crime. She had a great job, her own home, and lectured to kids to avoid her mistakes. She told me how sorry she was for her role. I truly believe people can change and deserve a second chance. I began seeing on message boards about how people wanted her dead and even threatened to do it. Some had even done some things to make her life miserable. I am very loyal to my friends so I took to defending her on these boards. I received my own death threats. Didn't care though. I was defending my friend. I took comfort that most people who are my friends supported me giving her this second chance and standing by her. I became very close to Hope. We either emailed or talked on the phone daily. Even while dealing with her own issues, she was always concerned about me. When I was battling my depression, even with her problems, I was her main concern. She had by then become very religious. She told me how she felt God purposely from day one meant for us to meet. She was born one day before me. Several things had to happen for us to come into each others life. I found the book on Amazon by accident, so that had to happen, I read the book way before I should have so that had to happen. There were tons of small coincidences that had to happen to bring us together. With only being one day apart in age we began calling ourselves twins from different mothers. I do not condone what she was part of, but also know she was a scared girl at the time who made a mistake and she will deal with it the rest of her life. But I believe people change and deserve another chance, and I kn all the good she does now, some of which I am not going to share because she would want it that way. At one point she had gone to West Virginia and didn't tell me. She was supposed to register and the site said she missed her registration. I was scared to death. Calling her non stop. Eventually we talked and found out she had registered and it was a mistake. Life went on with us talking daily if possible.
Then E! did a special on teens who commit crimes. Hop's story was on there and it disgusted me. So many half truths and I couldn't wait to talk to her about it. But I have not talked to her since it aired. She doesn't email me, doesn't answer the phone and in fact that number is no longer in service. I could call her at work, but it seems clear she is avoiding contact for a reason, so I shouldn't call her work. I don't know what happened. I care so much about her and worry about her. I am missing her like crazy. It dawned on me last night why I miss her so much. Somewhere along the way I fell in love with her I just didn't realize it, and now she appears gone. Worse than the love aspect is just not having her in my life at all. She is such an amazing woman and meant so much to me. All these years I have said I would be alone forever, I finally found the person who was everything I wanted, and I didn't realize it and now she is gone.
Hope if I never see you again, I miss you, I love you, and I will never ever forget you and what you meant to my life. Only you will know what this means, but for apparently the last time I must tell you, 2 for 1 I always got your back.

Jason

"Anything worth my love is worth a fight.
We only get one chance
Nothing ties are hands
Your what I want listen to me
Nothing I want is outta my reach"

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