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Sunday, August 29, 2010

August 29th 2010 Danny Is Taking It All Over

OK, I am going to address something and then I am done with it, not addressing it. You have seen some posts from me on Facebook. Do not assume to know that you know who they are about. They are about my personal business. Two people who intentionally or unintentionally almost squashed the confidence and belief in myself it took ten years to build. Not because of what they did and didn't do, but because of what they said or didn't say. What hurts the most is the lack of apology. You do not know who it is, and I am not saying. We have many many mutual friends, and no reason to force them to pick sides. I harbor no ill will and wish them the best. They were people I cared for very deeply. Now this subject WILL NOT be talked about again.

I have talked with Danny and on my non-JT days I am going to have her design my workouts now. I have long resisted having anyone design my workouts. I like to do what I want, how I want, when I want. But since setting this goal of what show I want to do, I believe I need to step it up and so I asked her to do that. I know she will do what is best for me and so there is no worries. Like with the diet where she says and I do, it will be that way with training. Since I am moving to Vegas to have her control my training, I feel it is also good because she can get a jump start on what she wants me to do or to do with me. I am very excited about this.

Weight was up a little today but I am of the belief the stress from the earlier mentioned situation caused this. Also of course there is the adding of muscle that can affect it. Sucks it comes the day after I get to more of the "you are an inspiration" messages as well as my favorite Pro bodybuilder Zoa Linsey tell me she thinks I am an inspiration. But Danny has taught me not to let this affect me, so I wont.

Also I am working on getting an Internet radio show started to help further promote women in the fitness and MMA industries. Real excited about that.

Finally congrats to Nicole Gray for winning her IFPA Figure Pro card and Vanessa Prebyl for winning her IFBB Bikini Pro card. I am honored to have them as friends.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

August 26th 2010 Is That Really Why You Started?

And so it begins. People say don't do Emerald Cup. Saying do a small show. Most are doing it as an attempt to try and help me be successful, some doing it cause...... they don't get it. I am getting the "It's to big a show", "You cant win a show like that this soon", "You are in over your head". So let us address these three statements.

1. It's to big a show: Ya damn skippy it is. BUt as previosuly stated, I would rather be dead last at a bi show than win Bob's BBQ and Bodybuilding Championships.

2. You cant win a show like that this soon: Duuuhhhh. I have no false pretences about how I will do. As I said, I don't expect to win a trophy. I win if I walk off that stage and Danny says " I am proud of you". See thats what this is about for me. I am not someone looking to be some superstar and win trophy's. To me Danny's pride is worth more than any trophy, any Pro card, and any monatary value I could win/earn. So while many consider a trophy and some celebrity from the industry standing next to you rasining your hand at the center of teh stage as winning, my winning is those five words from Danny I AM PROUD OF YOU. She says that, and I win more than whoever gets that trophy.

3. YOu are in over your head: Not really. I would be in over my head if I expected to win or place or whatever. I am not expecting that, so I am not in over my head. I have been told I cant do things all my life, and this is no different, and really I don't care what anyone things. I only care if Danny J Johnson, JT Wood, and Sara Schumann, the people I trust with my training think I can do it.

Let me ask each one of you something. That first day each of you stepped into that gym, did you say I am going to get on stage and win a trophy and become a pro? I doubt it. You went for your varius reasons. Be it to get in shape, to lose weight, to be healthy, to find an outlet, etc. Along the way you found you loved it. Then you realized you are good at it and got on stage. YOu found you loved competing and wanted to go even farther and win your Pro card. But don't forget that initial reason you stepped into the gym. I did it to lose weight. Remember I started at 292lbs (209 today). Like you, I found my passion. And who knows, once I get a taste of the stage I may end up taking the I want to do better approach, but I doubt it. I am willing to bet some of you were told you couldnt be good enough at some point, and how did you feel. So why the hell do you want to try and squash my dreams? Well you wont squash them.

Now don't get me wrong, most people support and encourage me. And I lvoe each one of you. Most of you encourage me. See, through this I ahve found my real best friends. People I want to be in my lfie forever. Really there are no better people than people in the fitness industry. Never met such supportive people. Someone messes with me I sick Megan Melone on them. I do something good, I cant wait to tell Sarah Kinney, Shirley Madera, or Belinda Hope. I am down, I can count on Eryn Strickland, Tonia Goodman, or a ton of other people. I want confirmation I belong, I send a message to Colleen Tanner, Zoa Linsey or Shannon Fredrick, and the list goes on and on. See I type this and I think "Man I am missing someone important." And thats what I am talking about. There are so many people to list, which means I ahve amde so many friends. I had to earn that, and I did. Hell, how many people yet to compete get encouragement from Jaime Eason? And I earned that friendship with these people because I have proven what I can do so far. All these friends far outnumber the few who have to be haters. Well I leanred something. If you act like a hater towards me, its really because you hate yourself.

Last thing. Something has been boiling inside me. People not qualified to give advice tryingto give it. I listed my three trainers, and they are the best. I don't need any more unless I ask for it. Often it is with the attempt to help. However, I ahve trainers, thats their job, and I must follow their advice, and often it is from unqualified people. Just like people asking me to do their diet now. I am not qualified to do that and it would be iresponsible to give such help. I can offer tips, but thats all. I was very unhappy when one person said about a recent stretch where I lost 5 pounds in 4 days "Thats not healthy, you should not be losing that kind of weight that fast, you are doing it wrong". Really? First you must not know what Danny has done with my metabolism. I have dropped like 23lbs in 4 and a half weeks. I am dropping quick. Often a spurt like 5lbs in 4 days is water weight, so it isnt even as big a deal. I eat my egiht meals a day and train twice a day, I work my ass off, and I am dropping it the right way. Now I am sure it wasn't said as an insult, and was said with concern, however it upset me because none of my trainers would elt me do anything unhealthy......EVER.

This post probably seems to some as if I am upset.....again. Really it isn't. This was about me speaking my mind and showing I am happy with who I am now, and nothing anyone says will stop that. This is my time to do something and I am going to do it. Instead of getting upset when I read a message or email from a hater, I am going to feel sorry for you, because for you to hate on someone else is a sign you hate yourself.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August 24th 2010 Change In Plans

So last time I mentioned I was doing a show. Well I still am, but a new one. The plan is now the 2012 Emerald Cup. Several things amde me decide this. Such as it being such a great run show. Bu mainly, Danny J and Vanessa Prebyl ahve both done the E Cup, and it is kind of my tribute and important to me to do a show they both did. The E Cup is a big show, and already one person said I cant do a show that big for my first one. Thats fine. Doubt me, I dont care. I can do it and Danny says I can do it and thats what counts. So today started my 18 month prep for my moment. Danny says we will do something when I get to Vegas. Almost a fake prep. Do the whole prep process, all the way down to the day of the show tanning. Lets me get the experience and also can show her where I am at.

Weight is around 210lbs so about 82lbs down now. I feel great except for this back. My back doesnt hurt as much as it did so thats good. But still hurts. Tonight during second cardio on the bike it started hurting alot so I cut it about 15 minutes short.

I am ready. I can do this. I am ready to devote everything to this and get on that stage. You have two options. Support me or try and hate on me. The supporters make me think I can do it, the haters guarantee I can do it.


Sunday, August 22, 2010

Agust 22nd 2010 Now I Have My Goal

I haven't posted in awhile, mostly because I have been in a lot of pain. My back has been hurting. It was weird because it didn't hurt so much when I lifted or anything, but I would make a sudden move and feel a burning pinching type sensation then it would hurt. I avoided the doctor because..... well, I am stubborn. Well I went on Thursday night and after a painfully boring 6 hour emergency room visit I found it is strained. So no weights for a week. It hurts and feels like a setback but I will overcome and get back to lifting soon and hit those weights harder then ever. Why? Because I have set my goal. My goal of when to compete.

Often I get asked when I am going to get on stage and the answer was always something like " I don't know. I will when the time is right, but sometime around June 2012." Well last night I was asked by Mystra Tillotson when I was going to compete, and I gave her that around June 2012 date. She said she would pencil me in for a certain show in 2012. I said to early to set a goal like that, but to myself I said " No way, I will not be at that level by then". But I thought about it, and after moving to Vegas, that show will give me one full year with Danny J. Andy why the hell can't I be at that level by then. I think I can, I know I can. So yeah, thanks to Mystra putting that show in my head, I can and will do it, and I will do good. All ready so many competitors have said they will be at my first show, so I hope they really will, because it would mean the world to me. Doing a show scares me. I am very shy and the thought of being on stage is scary. But I will do it. I will get back to those weights in five days, and I will train harder than ever, I will devote everything to it, and I will get on that stage. This show is extra exciting because I have several friends who have done it.

So please I ask you all, hold me accountable. Don't let me screw up, yell at me if you have to. I am going to put this out there because now there is no turning back, I have to do this. So get ready for a fun ride, because I am going to do this I am going to get on that stage. And that stage is the 2012 Los Angeles Bodybuilding Figure and Bikini Championships.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

August 11th 2010 There is Eryn Strickland and Then There is Everyone Else

Check it out!!! Posting within two days of my last one. Has to be a record. Before I get to what this post is really about, a little about me. Weight today was 216.2lbs, so I am eligible for my cheat meal tomorrow. Can't wait. For those keeping track, 76lbs down, and 56lbs in three months with Danny J.

I want to talk about inspirations. You can get them from anywhere. From people or from goals, really anything. For some reason people look to me as one. But that was discussed last time I posted. One of my major sources of inspiration is Eryn Strickland.

Everyone knows my fondness for Allison Moyer. Through Allison I was made aware of Eryn. First thought is obvious for anyone who sees her. She is gorgeous. Plus throw in the fact that she has an incredible physique. Within minutes I became an Eryn Strickland fan. Super excited when she agreed to an interview on my other blog Promoting Women. Every once in a blue moon we talked on facebook with the occasional message, but that's about it.

Fast forward a little while. And suddenly through a terrific woman named Therese Janc I learned she is close with Eryn. Part of being Danny J trained has included my having a little more confidence and belief in myself. SO basically I professed my "Love" for Eryn to Therese, and hell, I really sucked it up and told Eryn. In the last week or so, I have become better friends with Eryn and we have talked and text.

But who is Eryn Strickland? I can not profess to know her a great deal, but I can profess to know her enough. Eryn is a Figure competitor, but one that "gets it". In a sport where I have both gained and lost respect for people, Eryn has gained a ton of mine. And I don't think I am alone in that. I have had so many competitors bad mouth other competitors to me, but never has anyone said a bad thing to me about Eryn. Why? As I said, she "gets it". She doesn't make competing her life, she makes it something she is good at and something she can do. But I believe she has bigger goals. She has the "I do it for me" attitude that some seem to be lacking. Eryn will go as far in the fitness industry and life as Eryn wants to go.

Why do I freely admit I love Eryn Strickland? HELLLOOOOOOOO!!!!! How can you not. Yes, she is beautiful, to me, the most beautiful woman on earth. BUt no matter how physically attractive you are, you cant be considered that beautiful if there wasn't more to you than that physical appearance. Take away the incredible body, take away the beautiful face, take away the as she calls it "ass-terpiece" she is working on (which by the way, working on? That's saying the Mona Lisa needs a touch up. Eryn, it has been created). Take all those away and Eryn is still going to be beautiful. Move past that outer beauty and you will see the outer beauty pales in comparison to her inner beauty. Eryn is a kind, sweet, caring woman. She knows my back hurts, and showed concern, she knows the progress I have made and always has something nice to say about it. She said when I compete, wherever it is, she will be there cheering me on. She encourages, supports, and motivates, and sometimes in this industry, that isn't always the case with people. Simply put, Eryn is amazing.

These are the things that make Eryn such an inspiration to me. Sure, the way she looks on stage, on a stage full of stars, Eryn shines brightest. Her hard work to get the body she brings to the stage, her dedication, all these things are inspiring. But to me, Eryn Strickland the woman is inspiring. The person she is, not the Figure competitor she is.

Eryn is moving to Vegas. Hmmmmm, me to. Hope that means we get to hang out. I have joked on Facebook, that I am marrying Eryn. Yes it was a joke, but it is also a standing offer. When I posted that, some people took it serious and sent me congrats. One guy said "Don't take this personal, but how the hell did you land Eryn Strickland". Well it was insulting, but really kind of true. Had I landed Eryn, you would be forced to wonder how it happened. Cause yeah, she is out of my league LOL. So Eryn, the marriage offer is always there. I will drive to Maryland right now. Eryn is not what every Figure competitor should be. Eryn is what every person should be. So thank you for being who you are. Thank you for being Eryn Strickland, because that is the biggest compliment I can pay.

Beautiful woman,
come out and play,
reveal your inner treasures.

The sparkle in your eyes,
the natural swing in your walk,
you radiate excitement and enthusiasm.

You need no latest fashion,
No expensive hair cuts,
No blinding big accessories.

You glow in your passions,
passionate in your pursuits,
you know what you are made of.

You are not easily bothered,
by the mindless opinions of others,
you know very well where you want to go.

you are a joy to watch,
an inspiration to others,
your pure soul an endless marvel.

Beautiful woman,
let your brilliance shine through,
your eyes speak of true inner beauty.

Monday, August 9, 2010

August 9th 2010 Learning to Accept It For What It Is

How many times have I said I suck at this? A lot, and I continue to. Just so busy and I neglect it. Oh well!!!!!

So how are things? GREAT!!!! Weight this morning was 217.6lbs. That is 75lbs down and 55lbs in three months with Danny J. I continue to have great workouts. I feel more and more like I belong in the gym, and that really is such an important factor. It is like a new job. When you start out you are not sure what you are doing and almost like you don't want to be there. But as the days go by you find your way, find where you fit in, and grow more and more in your comfort level. The gym is the same. At first you are feeling out of place, but the more you work the more you get accepted the more comfortable you feel. Keep in mind, those who are new, go into that gym, bust your ass, work hard, and as awkward as you may feel, you truly will be accepted. Sure some may not accept you, but really, those people do not matter. You are there for you and no one else. My personal favorite part on me now is my arms, but seems it should be my legs. I suppose being so overweight helped in the aspect of walking around with all that weight helped build muscle on my legs. But lifting heavier and heavier, and still learning, but learning makes it fun.

Want to talk about the "I" word. What is the "I" word? INSPIRATION. I get so many emails and messages from people saying I inspire them. I am uncomfortable with that. This was never about anyone but me. Then it became about proving Danny J is the best as well. I am proving that every day. But always about me. Being called an inspiration makes me feel I have to do this for everyone now. I have to make sure I am worthy of such praise. If I mess up I feel I am letting people down. That person who emails that seeing what I have done has inspired them to get in the gym and lose weight or whatever their goal. I have to worry that if they see me mess up then maybe it makes them mess up. I don't know why people latch on to me. Why do I appeal to people? There are so many better choices than me to be the inspiration of those people. But Danny said something that makes sense. She said it is because I am not afraid to put myself out there. To admit when I mess up, admit I had a bad day. It makes them feel it is ok to have a bad day as well. We all have them. But you see a lot of people only put the good stuff out there. That's not me. I do not and will not hide who I am. If someone doesn't like what I say on the bad days, that is not my problem. If you can accept me at my best, accept me at my worst, or don't accept me at all. So as the title says, I will accept it for what it is. If people want to latch on to me, use me as inspiration to get in shape, I will accept that. It is an honor really. It is something I do not take likely, I take it as a responsibility. I think having someone to look to as inspiration is a good thing. For me it is the Danny J Johnson's, Sara Schumann's, Macey Leigh's,Jill Crean's, Lisa Zisa's, Eryn Strickland's, Allison Moyer's, Victoria Larvie's, LeslieRae Newton's, etc. of the world who inspire me, so if I am someones inspiration, I am honored. I do not necessarily believe I deserve it, but I accept it. I saw one girl post on Facebook, won't say her name, but she is well known. She actually said "I am such an inspiration". Really? Said who? Yes, you may inspire people, but you do not decide you are an inspiration, other people decide you are one. Inspiration is a privilege not a luxury. You are not entitled to it, you earn it. So if for some reason I inspire you, THANK YOU. I am honored, and flattered, and please know, I will continue to bust my ass trying to be worthy of that.

Last thing here. Diet. I get lots of people asking for help with their diets. Again, very flattering, but I am simply not qualified for that. Danny J does my diet. I do not eat a thing without her permission. It would be irresponsible to take your health into my hands. I will NEVER turn you away. I will give you small tips, I will always be here to help anyone I can. But to go so far in depth as to design your diet is something I am not qualified for. There are great trainers I recommend for that. People like Danny J, Sara Schumann, Jennifer Winright-Main, Eryn Strickland, Allison Moyer, and others. They worked and studied to be qualified to do that. So if I can help, I will, I will not turn anyone away, but there is a limit as to how much I can do before I am doing too much. What I mean by that is, if I do too much, I am taking responsibility for you and your health, and that is not fair to you. There is no one I suggest more than Danny J because she is my trainer along with Sara and JT, but Danny is my diet. Go to www.dannyjfitness.com and find here. Hire her, she will get you to your goals.

In the meantime, if I can do anything or you want any advice that I am qualified for or even just want to share your story, I am an email away at elway78@netzero.com.

To all my supporters, thank you, you make me think I can get on stage. To all my haters, thank you, you GUARANTEE I will get on stage.