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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dec 30th 2010 Confidence, Belief, Competing....and Tattoo's

Wasn't going to post on here today. But now I want to. I want to talk about my new tattoo, confidence, belief in myself, and competing. They all tie in.

Lets go back in time. Let's go back about nine or ten months ago. No, lets go back years ago. Years ago I hated myself. I considered myself to be a rather pathetic person. A person with nothing to offer the world and nothing to live for. I thought that way every day. Sometimes I put on a fake smile and made it look like all was well. But inside, it was never well.

About a year ago I decided to change that. I decided I was going to try and like myself a little. Part one was getting in shape. And hell, why not get on a bodybuilding stage. As many of you know, I had my haters and doubters, and sometimes I let myself get down and believed them. I had help from people along the way who did believe in me. At that point it was mostly help from Ann Titone, Victoria Larvie, and Sarah Kinney. I am grateful for their help. But there was one person who really seemed to believe in me. A woman named Danyell Johnson, better known as Danny-J. I realized, she is who I need. I need her to do my diet and my training. Along the way, I still doubted myself at times, still didn't believe I could get on stage and reach my goals. But Danny did believe. She didn't ever let me stop believing in myself. I am sure I am not the easiest person at times to train and believe in. I know I can be complicated and a pain in the ass. But she never quit on me, even when I quit on myself. 106lbs later, here we are.

Now, I totally believe I can compete. As you have heard me say about 1,348 times, I am not doing it to win. I could give a crap about some trophy, sword, or whatever else they want to give out. When I a on stage, my trophy is going to be sitting in the crowd. My trophy is Danny saying "I am proud". But you can bet your sweet ass I will be on that stage.

So why the tattoo? First and foremost, I wanted to show my appreciation for Danny. I thought this was a good way. When I am on stage, every time I pose that tattoo will be seen, and everyone will know why I got on stage, how I got on stage. Yes, I did the work, but she showed me how, and believed I could, even when I didn't believe. That is important to me. Also, let's be honest, you see it, I have days still when I get down on myself. Now, yes I always get back up, but I get knocked down. I am kind of emotional, I know this. But time after time Danny is what helps me get back up. SO this is kind of my own WWJD bracelet. When I have those down days or don't feel I can do something, I can look at that and be reminded that I can do it. I believe tattoo's should have meaning to the person. Well Danny and NO EXCUSES has a great deal of meaning to me.

Obvious question is "What happens if she is ever no longer your trainer?" Easy answer. Doesn't matter. If that ever happens, I will still owe her so much and still want that tattoo. It is very realistic to think that ten years from now, I might not have been here if not for her, and that is going to be my daily reminder of how it happened that I am here. I have adopted her NO EXCUSES as my life motto. I will be Danny-J made, and therefor the tattoo will still have great meaning.

I have said over and over, Danny is my trainer, leader, counselor, therapist, smack in the head when I need it, and most of all my HERO. That isn't kissing ass, that is an actual fact.

So really, I feel no need to explain the tattoo. I don't at all, but I did, and hope this explains it, and if it doesn't explain it, and you think it's stupid, you can basically kiss my ass.

Happy New Year everyone. I have made some amazing friends this year, and it has been the best year of my life. Thank you!!!!!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dec. 19th 2010 Your Negative Is My Positive

Been away from this for awhile. Just been really busy with a lot of things.

As some know, I had my little breakdown recently. Took my progress pics for Danny and really they upset me. There is the extra skin on my stomach that we have to get rid of, and that bothers me. I know it will take time, but I am not patient. Then there were some negative comments. First, yes, my chest is my weakness, I know this. But I got comments on that and others knocking my progress. That upset me. People sometimes forget I have been doing this for less than a year, so I am far from being Jay Cutler. In the end, I am happy with my progress though. As of today I am 106lbs down. That's pretty damn good. I have so many incredible people who support and believe in me and they won't let me stop. I have a long way to go before I am on stage, but I will be on stage. So thank you to those who made negative comments, you are making me work even harder.

Training is good. Danny has cut my cardio because she doesn't want me to drop too much too fast. She is the boss so she says and I do. I am noticing definite improvements. Especially my back I think. It is more defined. And guess what?....... I am getting glutes lol.

Been having cravings lately. It was tomato soup, but now I really want Neapolitan ice cream. I watched Home Alone the other day, and for two seconds there is a clip of him eating it, now I dream about having it lol.

Well, that's the quick update. Will try and write more often.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Dec 3rd 2010

Been a good few days for me. I was honored to be nominated for four Fitgems awards. Don't expect to win, but such an honor to be nominated in the same catagories as people like Jason Lannigan from Siouxcountry and Dave Palumbo from RXMuscle. I mentioned it to Zoa Linsey and she told me about her own nominations "it is nice to be recognized for doing what you love". So very very true.

Sarah ahs been here (except today while she is in Michigan doing a photo shoot). Her opponents have twice backed out so we hope she can get a fight on the 11th. Be a shame if she came all this way and didn't get a fight. We have an offer for January 8th but she might not be able to get back down for that. I ahve enjoyed having her here and hope she has enjoyed being here. I have been catching her up on all the horror movies she missed and hitting the gym with her twice a day.

Training and things are going good. Weight seems to have hit a point where it doesn't want to drop, but bodyfat percentage keeps going down. Really right now the only thing that will keep me from teh stage is if we can't get this extra skin on my stmach to go away. Don't tell me "there are surgeries for that". I know there are, but I don't want that, even if I could afford it. When this whole thing started the point was to prove I can do it, I don't want surgical help because it means I didn't do it on my own. Dann'y has added an extra five minutes to my cardio a day, so I guess that means she feels I need to do a little more to get the weight dropping again. I am sure it will happen. Right now chest is my weakness. It is improving and lifting ehavier, but everyone has that weaker part and for me it is chest.

I have started doing more visualization type stuff. Some people ahve said it helps. So when alone I visualize myself on stage. I visualize Danny sitting in the crowd being proud, my parents watching me being proud, things like that. Does it help? I don't know, but hopefully. I think in one instance I do know it helps. I know it helps when between sets I visualize it, it gets me more pumped for teh next set.

People will do one of two things. THey will hate on you or they will support you. If people support you it makes you believe you are doing something right, if they hate on you, it means you ARE doing something right.