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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dec 30th 2010 Confidence, Belief, Competing....and Tattoo's


Wasn't going to post on here today. But now I want to. I want to talk about my new tattoo, confidence, belief in myself, and competing. They all tie in.

Lets go back in time. Let's go back about nine or ten months ago. No, lets go back years ago. Years ago I hated myself. I considered myself to be a rather pathetic person. A person with nothing to offer the world and nothing to live for. I thought that way every day. Sometimes I put on a fake smile and made it look like all was well. But inside, it was never well.

About a year ago I decided to change that. I decided I was going to try and like myself a little. Part one was getting in shape. And hell, why not get on a bodybuilding stage. As many of you know, I had my haters and doubters, and sometimes I let myself get down and believed them. I had help from people along the way who did believe in me. At that point it was mostly help from Ann Titone, Victoria Larvie, and Sarah Kinney. I am grateful for their help. But there was one person who really seemed to believe in me. A woman named Danyell Johnson, better known as Danny-J. I realized, she is who I need. I need her to do my diet and my training. Along the way, I still doubted myself at times, still didn't believe I could get on stage and reach my goals. But Danny did believe. She didn't ever let me stop believing in myself. I am sure I am not the easiest person at times to train and believe in. I know I can be complicated and a pain in the ass. But she never quit on me, even when I quit on myself. 106lbs later, here we are.

Now, I totally believe I can compete. As you have heard me say about 1,348 times, I am not doing it to win. I could give a crap about some trophy, sword, or whatever else they want to give out. When I a on stage, my trophy is going to be sitting in the crowd. My trophy is Danny saying "I am proud". But you can bet your sweet ass I will be on that stage.

So why the tattoo? First and foremost, I wanted to show my appreciation for Danny. I thought this was a good way. When I am on stage, every time I pose that tattoo will be seen, and everyone will know why I got on stage, how I got on stage. Yes, I did the work, but she showed me how, and believed I could, even when I didn't believe. That is important to me. Also, let's be honest, you see it, I have days still when I get down on myself. Now, yes I always get back up, but I get knocked down. I am kind of emotional, I know this. But time after time Danny is what helps me get back up. SO this is kind of my own WWJD bracelet. When I have those down days or don't feel I can do something, I can look at that and be reminded that I can do it. I believe tattoo's should have meaning to the person. Well Danny and NO EXCUSES has a great deal of meaning to me.

Obvious question is "What happens if she is ever no longer your trainer?" Easy answer. Doesn't matter. If that ever happens, I will still owe her so much and still want that tattoo. It is very realistic to think that ten years from now, I might not have been here if not for her, and that is going to be my daily reminder of how it happened that I am here. I have adopted her NO EXCUSES as my life motto. I will be Danny-J made, and therefor the tattoo will still have great meaning.

I have said over and over, Danny is my trainer, leader, counselor, therapist, smack in the head when I need it, and most of all my HERO. That isn't kissing ass, that is an actual fact.

So really, I feel no need to explain the tattoo. I don't at all, but I did, and hope this explains it, and if it doesn't explain it, and you think it's stupid, you can basically kiss my ass.

Happy New Year everyone. I have made some amazing friends this year, and it has been the best year of my life. Thank you!!!!!!!

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